Putting pieces together, especially of words can be an uphill task and be rather difficult for me. This is not to say, everyday, I hope I can and I look forward to writing a word or two, an expression or two, letting out some of my very private thoughts or even having the privilege to splatter my emotions all over this place. I have been caught up lately with thinking about how ‘under-perfect’ my life seems right now and what I honestly look forward to creating out of it. Sometimes I’m here and I terribly want to be there. Most times I forget who I am and what I want for me. Sometimes I let people chart the course of my life. Other times I sit and just watch my life pass by. Sometimes I want things I cannot have and get things I really don’t care so much for. All these, stemming from my imperfections.
There’s so much of me that I have given to God. Well, not totally all. I struggle with the part of trusting His words, promises and timing. It’s a tide I’m still learning to surf. More than ever, I’m coming to the realization that I can’t live this life on my own. I’ve been doing rather badly already. I need God’s strength and joy and grace and peace to see me through each day. I realize it’s okay on some days to feel more broken than others and it certainly is okay to be flawed and imperfect.
Reflecting, vulnerability has dwelled with me for quite sometime. This season of my life, I’ve never felt more broken. But there’s a season for leaves to shed and for them to bloom. So I see this season of my being vulnerable as shedding my leaves. Shedding my leaves to be watered by God and to bloom new ones. So in so much as I feel broken and open in the now I’ve learnt this is its season. It’s to depend and lean on God even the more. It’s to shed, to bloom. My vulnerability is a good thing on its own because whether I realize it or not It presents me with the option of wholeness. It points me towards a season of togetherness. In days like this, more so everyday, I put God’s words before me…
Isaiah 43:2 KJV
When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.
Psalm 42:11 KJV
Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.
Psalm 61:2 KJV
From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
Yes, so this is me, still telling a tale of brokenness and healing.
I’d love to hear your own story.