Fighting this good fight…

I can write the longest story about my esteem issues. I had a complex for the longest time of my conscious years and it started when I went to secondary school. I hated many of my classmates because I used to get bullied a lot. I also hated school and I used to get the most sickening feeling as I approached the school gate. You know I couldn’t really figure why I was bullied but I felt it was because I wasn’t so pretty and I never brought many pretty things to school. 
Fast forward to University, I still had my esteem issues to deal with but then I started learning who I really am and that I’m loved PERFECTLY and I don’t have to sit around waiting for love or approval from anyone especially men. I met Ama Apakama  who would always tell me how pretty I am. Much love to you babe 😘😘 I became born again yet every now and then, I still have to fight the feeling of worthlessness / not being this or that enough. Hmmm…

I watched the video of a lady who was bullied and suffered self esteem issues because she was severely burned at 9 and how her face and other parts of her body becabe disfigured. I think she’s even permanently balled. It resonated within me cos I know how hurt / broken one can get when you constantly suffer rejection. It’s women like this I want to hold in my arms and tell them how special they are to God and just how much they are loved by Him. Forgive my over-sentimentality.

I still get sensitive about how people treat me and upset when I’m treated unfairly or unkindly but I’ve learnt that I’m loved far beyond the boundaries of this world irrespective of how I’m treated or what I look like. I’m utterly loved and valued by the one who created both flesh and Spirit. I know better than to treat them how they treat me. People’s actions are not a reflection of your value. How they treat you doesn’t define your worth. I may have to fight this good fight for a long time in my but I know I know I’ve won this one already.

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Knowing healing through brokenness

Putting pieces together, especially  of words can be an uphill task and be rather difficult for me. This is not to say, everyday, I hope I can and I look forward to writing a word or two, an expression or two, letting out some of my very private thoughts or even having the privilege to splatter my emotions all over this place. I have been caught up lately with thinking about how ‘under-perfect’ my life seems right now and what I honestly look forward to creating out of it. Sometimes I’m here and I terribly want to be there. Most times I forget who I am and what I want for me. Sometimes I let people chart the course of my life. Other times I sit and just watch my life pass by. Sometimes I want things I cannot have and get things I really don’t care so much for. All these, stemming from my imperfections. 

There’s so much of me that I have given to God. Well, not totally all. I struggle with the part of trusting His words, promises and timing. It’s a tide I’m still learning to surf. More than ever, I’m coming to the realization that I can’t live this life on my own. I’ve been doing rather badly already. I need God’s strength and joy and grace and peace to see me through each day. I realize it’s okay on some days to feel more broken than others and it certainly is okay to be flawed and imperfect. 

Reflecting, vulnerability has dwelled with me for quite sometime. This season of my life, I’ve never felt more broken. But there’s a season for leaves to shed and for them to bloom. So I see this season of my being vulnerable as shedding my leaves. Shedding my leaves to be watered by God and to bloom new ones. So in so much as I feel broken and open in the now I’ve learnt this is its season. It’s to depend and lean on God even the more. It’s to shed, to bloom. My vulnerability is a good thing on its own because whether I realize it or not It presents me with the option of wholeness. It points me towards a season of togetherness. In days like this, more so everyday, I put God’s words before me…

Isaiah 43:2 KJV

When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.

Psalm 42:11 KJV

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.

Psalm 61:2 KJV

From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

Yes, so this is me, still telling a tale of brokenness and healing.

I’d love to hear your own story.

Lady V

Letters to my future #1

Mma,

You see, when you have gotten to that place, where God is your everything and so much more, you’d stop looking to make-up and young men to validate your beauty. You’d stop chasing paper but you will be a hard worker. You’d stop looking for the next boy to hook-up with or shower you with unconditional love. When it sinks into you that you are worthy, that you are more than just beautiful on the outside, that indeed you are in lack of nothing, that God Himself stretched down His hands and covered you with His grace, that in God you have all you need for every moment, then will your petals begin to blossom. 

I grew up with a complex. I didn’t deem myself intelligent or worthy of special attention from anyone. In the misery of another heartbreak, I found God. I found God in my pits. Little did I know that afterwards, I was to sink deeper. I was going to sink deeper to stand firmer, to rise higher and to experience a deeper measure of acceptance and rest in God. The waters were going to threaten to overwhelm me and more so, kill me. However, here I am, dwelling in that place where God is enough for me.

Out of sorrow’s belly, I have found a place for ministry. In those dark hours of the morning, I was more assured of a calling upon my life. I could speak of purpose and virtue. I could speak of healing, holiness and happiness. I know i’m special to God because each passing moments of life, I feel His arms around me. I feel a tenderness like I’ve never felt before. I feel a grace that I’ve never known before. I feel rest and peace like never before. I feel Him all around me.

Now I can say I’m so much more. I’m more virtuous. I’m loved beyond the boundaries of this earth. I know my worth. I know who and whose I am. There is no way you will walk with God and not have wisdom and virtue planted in you. There is no way you’ll walk with God and not glow like Him. Never look to any man to prove your worth, not even I or your Father.

I gave you a bible last Christmas for your 13th birthday.I hope you loved it. I hope you’ve taken time to read about the 31 woman. The woman whose husband was a prince but yet was a princess long before she married the King’s son. This is the woman God taught me to be. I walked through life, in sync with His Spirit and I found grace upon grace to become. To become strong, intelligent, worthy, beautiful, productive, positive and incomparably virtuous.

When your gaze shifts from everything you are to everything God is and can be in you, you’d become boundless in all your endeavors. You’d be everything you thought you couldn’t be just like I did. You’d be a sweet smelling offering unto your God. You’d be more than just a woman, you’d be a virtuous one. Read the words of Jesus.

Are not five sparrows sold for two cents? Yet not one of them is forgotten before God. “Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows. Luke 12;7, NIV

 Do you believe? this is how God sees you. Love yourself, just as much as God loves you. Remember, I love you too.

Your mum.

Tunnels of Roses and Thorns

Looking back today, I can only be grateful to God and count my blessings. After going through a very dark season in my life, I have finally come to the end of the tunnel. I can feel sunlight warm my skin and dry up all my tears. I can only honestly be grateful to God for walking down that road and refining, restoring, renewing and rebuilding my broken bricks.

During that period, I doubted my actions and even more so myself. This is why I didn’t write much. I was vulnerable and all I wanted to do was bare my soul for everyone to see how much blood I had bled. I hated wanting to do it so desperately So i resented vulnerability. I resented vulnerability and fought the urge to just post without purpose. You see, Being vulnerable is not a bad thing. It makes you original. It means people can relate with the real you and not shadows and types and it really isn’t a bad thing. I lost my confidence to stand before the world and be me. i know it’s a stage many of us go or will go through, where we are not comfortable with one part of our lives or the other. in it, I remembered God created me with potential to add value to my world. More so, since I am born of God, the more I was to think i could impact greatly. He had put words in my mouth and a message in my heart for young women. I wasn’t going to shy away from that. You need to know, you don’t need toΒ feel confident to be confident.

My tunnels were full of thorns and roses. So I rejoiced for my roses in my bush of thorns. God was nonetheless with me and this gave me more reason to rejoice. Taking Paul’s advise, daily, I

Rejoice evermore. 1 Thessalonians 5:16

Honestly, in the midst of our trials and troubles, it’s often too bleak and dark for us to see God leading, guiding and shielding us. Nonetheless for me, He was there. There was an assurance in my heart because my Spirit confirms it. Know that,

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalms 147;3

God is God in good and bad. I have first hand experience and if you’re going through your tunnels of roses and thorns, God has no plans to leave or forsake you. He promises to bring you out stronger and more refined than gold. If you ever doubt your plans, trust God’s. This is the rest I have entered. i have decided to stay and rest in here. I believe in myself and my ability to succeed at whatever I lay my hands to do because i believe in the One who made those hands, that mind and those potentials in me. At least if you doubt you can do anything. Don’t doubt that God can do in and through you.

Meanwhile, if you’d like to talk to me, or share a story on what God has been teaching or taught you on your journey as a woman, please mail ifeoluwaolunu@gmail.com. Super expectant to hear from you!

Love,

Lady V.

Healed in tears

I stood there, in the midst of the teenagers I teach and adults, in high heels and make-up, choking on my tears, literally forcing them back as the hymn, ‘In Christ alone’ was sung in church that day. I couldnt even sing properly and for the most part, I just kept biting my lips keeping my tears at bay for as long as I could. Tears come back to me, like it has been regularly for the past two years as I read This amazing Post. I could relate to all she wrote. I’m a crier too and for the most part of my life, tears have been involved. 

I cried in year 2. I cried when he left me. I cried because this guy that I liked a lot just left without an explanation. That was my defining moment. I gave all that I had to the Lord and asked Him to bring beauty out of these ashes before my eyes. I was a pile of mess and nothingness. That was when I came to know Jesus as my healer. This was when Jesus sent me to minister healing to the hearts and minds of broken women that He dearly loves.

I was moved to tears in church as the hymn was sang because once again, I had come bruised and undone. Once again my pain had drawn me to Him. Severally had I knelt before the Lord, on and on, to take my pain away and there right in His presence, God had come to meet with me. 

The words that were sung ministered to me. They did because in that moment as I stood and tried to sing, ‘what heights of love, what depths of peace. When fears are stilled. When striving cease’, I felt God’s love and peace and healing course through my mind and emotions. He once more really became my comforter and my all in all.  I personalized the song, as I tried to sing, ‘No power of hell, no scheme of man can ever pluck me from His hands’. You see, I felt the assurance that indeed, the attacks of the devil, human or spiritual, could never make Him loose His grip on me. I am engraved in the palm of His hands. I was His and I am, even up till this very moment and that revelation was enough comfort to my soul. Sometime two years, as I woke up in the early hours of the morning, sore from all my pain and lethargic, I was reminded that, ‘I hold not the Rock, but the Rock holds me’. Quickly, I loosened all my grip on the Lord and just let Him do the holding. My strength had failed me completely. I couldn’t even hang on to God and month after month, I suffered from numbness and emotional weakness. In it, I had to trust that He would strengthen and uphold me as I forged through time. Here I am, writing this today because, true to His word in Isaiah 41:10, God has kept me and has healed me.

Tanya Marlow  in armed with tears wrote,

Reconciliation starts with tears
Repentance starts with tears
Worship starts with tear
Justice is born out of angry tears.

For me I’ll add, healing starts with tears.

My tears were a part of my healing process and for each time I felt the need to cry, I just did and let God continue His healing.  As tears poured out, God’s healing and love entered into my heart. I’m not ashamed of my tears anymore.

Jesus cried before He healed Lazarus. He felt pain in so much that He groaned in the spirit. He moved and raised dead Lazarus to life. The adulterous woman in Luke 7 ministered to Jesus in her tears. She adorned His feet with her precious ointment, wiping her tears from His feet. The bible records that her sins were forgiven. She went home with peace in her heart. Now she’s eternally remembered for her tears, love and adoration towards Jesus.

Sometimes, ‘It’s an act of ministry simply to cry and sometimes it really is prophetic’

Dear Woman!

Hey there,

I want to speak a little on transiting from single to newly wed.

I have been online a lot. A little too much according to my own judgements. It has also made me think a lot. I’m seeing a lot of single Christian women getting married lately and I’m hoping with all my heart that they are making the right choice. Im hoping they are marrying men after God’s heart. I’m hoping that they are, like I was getting married. I’m anxious because I know how far a bad marriage can wreck her entire life. I’m anxious because forever with a strange man is too long a time to be unhappy.

  

It also made me take inventory of my life. I’m still waiting on God for a partner and so far, I haven’t been praying much. Two days ago, in fact, God summed it up. He said, ‘it’s irresponsibility to not pray about your future.’ I knew God was serious. So I’ve started praying seriously…. About the man, the children, career progression, my plans, my 30s, my 40s, my 50s, pretty much my future.

Sometime ago, Bisi told me how God had warned her before she married Bayo. Bisi is a Christian woman. Bisi is a woman who loved God. She met Bayo in church yet God warned her against marrying him. Days to her wedding ceremony, her heart wanted to pray so much. She gave in and kept at it. She kept praying and praying and then she discovered that Bayo had been keeping affairs with an acquaintance. It broke her. It really broke her and now, it’s silently wrecking her marriage.

You see why I’m anxious. We need healthy marriages and not broken ones. This is why, dear woman of God, I’m writing to you today. Long before you take that step, stop and pray. No, scratch that, pray a lot. Pray and pray and pray. And then trust God. Follow the leading of His Spirit.

Don’t let the beauty and glamour of wearing a ring and having a wedding cause you to rush into a marriage. Don’t let it get you so excited that you don’t follow your inner witness of the Holy Spirit. For what I know, God will never keep you in the dark if you sincerely ask for His opinion and seek His will. If you ask Him to reveal the content of that man’s heart, He sure will. What a godly woman needs is a godly man. In fact, they are a good fit. There is no one better for her than a man that is pursuing God while wooing her heart. We as women of God, need to raise our children in homes that are filled with God so, please pray!

 

Love, Him, him & your heart

God is the God of love and His desire is that everyday as we walk the earth, we feel loved and we love as well. We however are broken people and at some point in my life, I told people my love meter was broken. I could neither feel love nor reciprocate the love that was shown to me. I had good knowledge of who God was and how he loved me, but I couldn’t just get myself to love. More so, love was a distant concept to me. Something that would never exist in my life nor happen to me. In general I didn’t believe any good thing will come my way. This was mainly because i was broken, I mean heart right broken. This was properly reinforced by broken relationships I was involved in, tales of broken marriages and dysfunctional homes.

Marriage

I believe in God, I believe in love and I believe in marriage. I realized these thoughts were of the enemy and I did well to renew my mind. God is for you and as such, if your desire is to own a successful relationship and better still marriage and home, one filled with God’s love and peace, God is in the business of making that happen. I resolve that I am willing to make my relationship with my partner, even after marriage work and I many times over converse with God about this. I want to start from courtship or dating and transcend into marriage and be happy and blessed all the way through. This I believe, starts with marrying the right individual. By right I mean, with God’s approval and blessings. I have loved men and I have gotten my heart broken, many times because I was neither wise nor discerning. Like many other women, honey, I’m with you. This is why, as a lady in waiting, it will do you well to manage your emotions and control how you feel towards ’em gentlemen. It is not wise to catch feelings just because he’s cute, intelligent, well read, or has plenty money. There should be much more than that.

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. Songs of Solomon 8;4 NIV

There’s a school of thought which says there are many different partners God has for you and marrying either one of them is the start of a happy home / marriage. I agree. There is a state of heart and mind in which man and wife, different in many aspects, love, agree and accept each other so much that they are willing to and they submit to each other. They are for each other with each others best interests at heart and they are not afraid to communicate that. They respect and care for each other and their love is reciprocated. When arguments / disagreements arise, they settle in a godly manner, each airing, caring, listening and esteeming the other’s view / opinions. There is no ‘lording over’ from either of them.

Broken homes don’t just come about. It’s safe to say that their foundations were / are broken. A successful home for me, would be a christian home where Christ is both the foundation and the centre.

I was reading Joyce Meyer’s managing your emotionsΒ and she mentioned that she thanked God she had a husband that loved her because of his attitude towards her over many years of marriage. Not too many women can boast of this, but it is my desire that as women of God, from the depth of our hearts, we can truly and frankly tell others that our husbands love us because he has not left us in doubt about it.

It will do you a world of good if you reckon yourself a woman of God and more so, worthy of love. Love is for you and if God could give His son to die for you, he will give you His son’s heart again. Follow God’s leading in dating and courtship. Woman of God, ALLOW God lead you. God wants to be your Shepard in choosing a man but you have to give Him the honour to decide who you run off with. Be full of faith in God and His word, knowing that He will give you a man after His heart. God is able to give you exceeding more than you request for. Resolve to obey God. it may be hard but God will never abandon you through your tests. it may be hard but it is never impossible. The bible mentioned His commandments are not burdensome. Sometimes, I negotiate with God but I tell Him I will always obey His final words. If He insists I do it this way, I just do it. Be discerning. Not every man in the church is of the church. Please test the intentions of his heart. Esteem a gentle and quiet spirit. Esteem the proverbs 31 woman. Above all, esteem God and your relationship with Him.

Behold, you are beautiful, my beloved, truly delightful. Songs of Solomon 1; 16, ESV

PS; i’m terribly sorry, i’ve not been around in a while. I promise to be here more often.

Photo credit; Google images.

You tell me…

I walked in this morning to meet a debate… about religion. Religion is just too terrible to argue over. Trust me. it causes dissension and all sorts. However, it made me think quite a lot.

How does the average religious man see God? A task master? Does he ever think God in His obvious high estate would even care enough to love His Creation? Did He create us to be slaves to Him after granting us the power of choice? Would you expect God to love you or just be concerned with other ‘greater’ things? Did He who made Love not know how to love or want to be loved and reverenced by His creation?

What does the average religious man expect of God? Does He expect God to be wicked or heartless towards him in all the hardship there is already in the world and in his trying to please him? Does he think, God, who created Him, turned His back on him after creation and still demands high moral standards without his capacity to meet up? Does he think, God, who created Him, turned His back on him after creation and then after life is over, would show up with countless accusations? Does he think God who is strong wouldn’t remember we swim in weaknesses? Does he think, He who made a heart would be heartless towards His own?

Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap; they have no storeroom nor barn, and yet God feeds them; how much more valuable you are than the birds! Mark 12;24

Does the man think that God didn’t like what He created? That He possibly just created us out of desperation or the need for slaves and tiny little puppets carrying out his bidding on earth?

I don’t know. You tell me…

For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments; and His commandments are not burdensome. 1 John; 5;3

Our Love song.

Typical Christian blogger like me, ran into a few love blogs that i’m totally loving at the moment. No doubt, I’m a love junkie. I like to love and be loved. I’m sure you do to so don’t even look at me like that. lol. πŸ™‚
Β 
Meanwhile, last Sunday, i went for a LAFamily (we are Christians who study and apply God’s word virtually) meeting and after it all, i felt healing and warmth. That’s what happens when love is activated.
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Okay, so in the love mood, let me just say a few things.
Β 
Love began with God and originated from God. He is the source of love. Love is a good thing so it’s okay to want to be loved.
Remember??

Remember??

God created our desire to be loved. He wants us to love and enjoy being loved.
Β 
Love is power and purity and health and peace. I mean true, unconditional and uncorrupted love.
Yeah

Yeah

God wants you to know and experience love like never before. This is the reason He sent His son. So you can know that He loves you and you can feel loved and appreciated.

Love doesn’t not beat but build.

God has placed it in the heart of every of His Children to love just like Him; Unconditionally. So when you find this play out in you, that is God at work.

Trust me! :)

Trust me! πŸ™‚

If there’ s a yearning in your heart for love, God will fill it- with Himself and His own and certainly in good time.God will never take love away from you- except it’s gonna kill you or hurt your future…
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So, any others you’d like to share about God and love?
Β 

Some words of edification…

It’s an amazing gospel. It’s a somewhat incomprehensible gospel, that God will come and die for mere mortal. That God will take away not only the consequences of Sin but blot it out of the very system of all men alike- Of both the ‘saint’ and the despicable sinner that dare to surrender their being to Him

Need I say more about this gospel? Too many of us are familiar with the story of a God in the likeness of man who came from Heaven and died for His creation. Yes! The creation He thought highly of. The creation He sought all to redeem. In as much as man failed and failed to please Him, He found something good in us. Something good enough to save.

Redemption’s price has been paid; fully paid for that matter. Man no more has to suffer the ire of hell. All he needs to do is open up the door of His heart in acceptance to salvation. It’s too wonderful a tale not to tell.

image

I thought about salvation today, and how it isn’t complete without the total blotting out of sin. It’s a feat only God could accomplish and has in the lives of many that come to Him. If any man denies that sin can be totally wiped out of the life of a Christian or that a man can live life on earth without committing sin anymore, he therefore denies the power of God to save. If it is denied, then grace is incomplete. If it is denied, then grace ceases from being grace. Now look at this;

Matthew 1:21 KJV
And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins.

***

I also thought about salvation today and how its message, time and time again, fascinates my mind. When I sink into deep thought, I’m reminded of so great a salvation that has appeared to all men. No matter the gravity of the sin, no matter how past life was lived, redemption still avails for the man who hears and believes in the name of Jesus. I thought of the worst possible sin a man could commit, and how it will be all washed away by Jesus’ precious blood , if the man who committed the sin surrenders to Christ’s Lordship. My mind still marvels at how God can take something so dirty and purify it. It marvels at how a man’s books are all clean, once he is in Christ.

image

It indeed is good news for me and for the whole world to know, that God not only forgives sins but blots out records and equips men with the power to “Go and sin no more”. I mean, whosoever will follow Him, He opens His arms in warmΒ  embrace, showering blessings and favour on such a man.

This is my own knowledge ofΒ  grace. That God in as much as He requires perfection from me, also gave me the means to be Holy and faultless before Him till He comes again. He gave me the means to now, as a child fully accepted and recognised by Him, live out His standards. He gave me the Holy Ghost!!

We now therefore can fulfill the requirements of the Law. What the law couldn’t accomplish in us, Christ’s death and resurrection has! Christ’s power has fulfilled it in us!

Hallelujah!!!!!

Image credit; believe.com

Why not share this with someone? Thank you. πŸ™‚