I stood there, in the midst of the teenagers I teach and adults, in high heels and make-up, choking on my tears, literally forcing them back as the hymn, ‘In Christ alone’ was sung in church that day. I couldnt even sing properly and for the most part, I just kept biting my lips keeping my tears at bay for as long as I could. Tears come back to me, like it has been regularly for the past two years as I read This amazing Post. I could relate to all she wrote. I’m a crier too and for the most part of my life, tears have been involved.
I cried in year 2. I cried when he left me. I cried because this guy that I liked a lot just left without an explanation. That was my defining moment. I gave all that I had to the Lord and asked Him to bring beauty out of these ashes before my eyes. I was a pile of mess and nothingness. That was when I came to know Jesus as my healer. This was when Jesus sent me to minister healing to the hearts and minds of broken women that He dearly loves.
I was moved to tears in church as the hymn was sang because once again, I had come bruised and undone. Once again my pain had drawn me to Him. Severally had I knelt before the Lord, on and on, to take my pain away and there right in His presence, God had come to meet with me.
The words that were sung ministered to me. They did because in that moment as I stood and tried to sing, ‘what heights of love, what depths of peace. When fears are stilled. When striving cease’, I felt God’s love and peace and healing course through my mind and emotions. He once more really became my comforter and my all in all. I personalized the song, as I tried to sing, ‘No power of hell, no scheme of man can ever pluck me from His hands’. You see, I felt the assurance that indeed, the attacks of the devil, human or spiritual, could never make Him loose His grip on me. I am engraved in the palm of His hands. I was His and I am, even up till this very moment and that revelation was enough comfort to my soul. Sometime two years, as I woke up in the early hours of the morning, sore from all my pain and lethargic, I was reminded that, ‘I hold not the Rock, but the Rock holds me’. Quickly, I loosened all my grip on the Lord and just let Him do the holding. My strength had failed me completely. I couldn’t even hang on to God and month after month, I suffered from numbness and emotional weakness. In it, I had to trust that He would strengthen and uphold me as I forged through time. Here I am, writing this today because, true to His word in Isaiah 41:10, God has kept me and has healed me.
Tanya Marlow in armed with tears wrote,
Reconciliation starts with tears
Repentance starts with tears
Worship starts with tear
Justice is born out of angry tears.
For me I’ll add, healing starts with tears.
My tears were a part of my healing process and for each time I felt the need to cry, I just did and let God continue His healing. As tears poured out, God’s healing and love entered into my heart. I’m not ashamed of my tears anymore.
Jesus cried before He healed Lazarus. He felt pain in so much that He groaned in the spirit. He moved and raised dead Lazarus to life. The adulterous woman in Luke 7 ministered to Jesus in her tears. She adorned His feet with her precious ointment, wiping her tears from His feet. The bible records that her sins were forgiven. She went home with peace in her heart. Now she’s eternally remembered for her tears, love and adoration towards Jesus.
Sometimes, ‘It’s an act of ministry simply to cry and sometimes it really is prophetic’