Healed in tears

I stood there, in the midst of the teenagers I teach and adults, in high heels and make-up, choking on my tears, literally forcing them back as the hymn, ‘In Christ alone’ was sung in church that day. I couldnt even sing properly and for the most part, I just kept biting my lips keeping my tears at bay for as long as I could. Tears come back to me, like it has been regularly for the past two years as I read This amazing Post. I could relate to all she wrote. I’m a crier too and for the most part of my life, tears have been involved. 

I cried in year 2. I cried when he left me. I cried because this guy that I liked a lot just left without an explanation. That was my defining moment. I gave all that I had to the Lord and asked Him to bring beauty out of these ashes before my eyes. I was a pile of mess and nothingness. That was when I came to know Jesus as my healer. This was when Jesus sent me to minister healing to the hearts and minds of broken women that He dearly loves.

I was moved to tears in church as the hymn was sang because once again, I had come bruised and undone. Once again my pain had drawn me to Him. Severally had I knelt before the Lord, on and on, to take my pain away and there right in His presence, God had come to meet with me. 

The words that were sung ministered to me. They did because in that moment as I stood and tried to sing, ‘what heights of love, what depths of peace. When fears are stilled. When striving cease’, I felt God’s love and peace and healing course through my mind and emotions. He once more really became my comforter and my all in all.  I personalized the song, as I tried to sing, ‘No power of hell, no scheme of man can ever pluck me from His hands’. You see, I felt the assurance that indeed, the attacks of the devil, human or spiritual, could never make Him loose His grip on me. I am engraved in the palm of His hands. I was His and I am, even up till this very moment and that revelation was enough comfort to my soul. Sometime two years, as I woke up in the early hours of the morning, sore from all my pain and lethargic, I was reminded that, ‘I hold not the Rock, but the Rock holds me’. Quickly, I loosened all my grip on the Lord and just let Him do the holding. My strength had failed me completely. I couldn’t even hang on to God and month after month, I suffered from numbness and emotional weakness. In it, I had to trust that He would strengthen and uphold me as I forged through time. Here I am, writing this today because, true to His word in Isaiah 41:10, God has kept me and has healed me.

Tanya Marlow  in armed with tears wrote,

Reconciliation starts with tears
Repentance starts with tears
Worship starts with tear
Justice is born out of angry tears.

For me I’ll add, healing starts with tears.

My tears were a part of my healing process and for each time I felt the need to cry, I just did and let God continue His healing.  As tears poured out, God’s healing and love entered into my heart. I’m not ashamed of my tears anymore.

Jesus cried before He healed Lazarus. He felt pain in so much that He groaned in the spirit. He moved and raised dead Lazarus to life. The adulterous woman in Luke 7 ministered to Jesus in her tears. She adorned His feet with her precious ointment, wiping her tears from His feet. The bible records that her sins were forgiven. She went home with peace in her heart. Now she’s eternally remembered for her tears, love and adoration towards Jesus.

Sometimes, ‘It’s an act of ministry simply to cry and sometimes it really is prophetic’

Dear Woman!

Hey there,

I want to speak a little on transiting from single to newly wed.

I have been online a lot. A little too much according to my own judgements. It has also made me think a lot. I’m seeing a lot of single Christian women getting married lately and I’m hoping with all my heart that they are making the right choice. Im hoping they are marrying men after God’s heart. I’m hoping that they are, like I was getting married. I’m anxious because I know how far a bad marriage can wreck her entire life. I’m anxious because forever with a strange man is too long a time to be unhappy.

  

It also made me take inventory of my life. I’m still waiting on God for a partner and so far, I haven’t been praying much. Two days ago, in fact, God summed it up. He said, ‘it’s irresponsibility to not pray about your future.’ I knew God was serious. So I’ve started praying seriously…. About the man, the children, career progression, my plans, my 30s, my 40s, my 50s, pretty much my future.

Sometime ago, Bisi told me how God had warned her before she married Bayo. Bisi is a Christian woman. Bisi is a woman who loved God. She met Bayo in church yet God warned her against marrying him. Days to her wedding ceremony, her heart wanted to pray so much. She gave in and kept at it. She kept praying and praying and then she discovered that Bayo had been keeping affairs with an acquaintance. It broke her. It really broke her and now, it’s silently wrecking her marriage.

You see why I’m anxious. We need healthy marriages and not broken ones. This is why, dear woman of God, I’m writing to you today. Long before you take that step, stop and pray. No, scratch that, pray a lot. Pray and pray and pray. And then trust God. Follow the leading of His Spirit.

Don’t let the beauty and glamour of wearing a ring and having a wedding cause you to rush into a marriage. Don’t let it get you so excited that you don’t follow your inner witness of the Holy Spirit. For what I know, God will never keep you in the dark if you sincerely ask for His opinion and seek His will. If you ask Him to reveal the content of that man’s heart, He sure will. What a godly woman needs is a godly man. In fact, they are a good fit. There is no one better for her than a man that is pursuing God while wooing her heart. We as women of God, need to raise our children in homes that are filled with God so, please pray!

 

Pristine

Eyes opened and the first word she heard was…

Love.

And she shall be called Love!

As if she heard nothing, she was immediately distracted with what she looked like. She had just discovered this body that clad her. She examined herself, She looked skillfully and carefully carved out. She knew she wasn’t some cosmic accident that found its way to planet earth. One could tell she was made on purpose. She examined the features she saw, loving every part of it. She thought she was a fine work of arts and he who must have dreamt up a design such as hers must be a genius. She couldn’t wait to see who.

She could feel her heart beat. She felt alive as she raised her hands slowly in amazement of what they looked like. She felt life surge through her and the feelings that ran through her gave her a sense of completeness. she felt peace. She felt satisfaction. An uncommon joy, as of something unique and pristine welled up inside her. She felt happiness she couldn’t find appropriate words to describe.

The sound from a distance drew her out of her thoughts. She looked and saw one whose comeliness equated perfection. ‘He must be the one’, she thought to herself. Amazingly, she looked just like him. He called out again, this time in an entirely different language…

Ifeoluwa!

She turned. He smiled and beckoned on her. She ran as fast as her legs could carry her as she made her way into his arms. Suddenly she realised that in his arms was where she wanted to be. Her heart was where he was made to dwell. Increasingly, she longed for those pierced hands that chose to hold her.

He made her dance to the rhythm of his heart. She moved, in reckless abandon not caring that she thought she was bad at it. Overwhelmed with the feeling of love he fed her with, she fell to her knees and began to sob. She gently burst into a song and sang to her heart content.

Then sings my soul, my saviour God to Thee. How great Thou art! How great Thou art!!

He picked her up. She could see tears drop from his eyes as he spoke yet again.

You are love and you shall be called love. This is who I made you to be. I cause men to call you love because you are the perfect expression of who I am. You are woman. You are loved; yes, my beloved! And child, today and everyday of who you are as you walk the earth, nations shall rise and call you blessed.

Finally, she knew who she really was. She could speak of who she really is.

***

The Lord hath appeared of old unto me, saying , Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee. Jeremiah 31:3

PS: Ifeoluwa; a Yoruba name bore by people from the western part of Nigeria meaning The love of God.

Why not share this with someone? Thank you. 🙂

Some musing

‘I love you’ were the words I loved to hear leave you lips. True or not, they made me feel good. I felt accepted, loved, until you left. I felt loved by you, by God, by whoever. I was willing to love. To lay down my life to display my love. At least, I felt that way. At least I thought, it will be my golden display of love. My emotions clung tightly to you.

So long a time, I felt betrayed by you. That you dared with each ‘I love you’ lie to me. I was mad. Worst of all, I was broken! Lethargic, apathetic. Call it what you may. Days on end, even when i knew God loved me, I felt unloved.

Just yesterday, after 12 months, I was back on my bed. That bed that for the most part of what I thought was, soaked my tears. That bed that on each, each night, i encountered God. That bed that each morning, hurriedly, I knelt beside it with teary eyes, trying so hard to express how much He means to me. I laid on it. Familiar feelings swept over me. It seemed to embrace me. It seemed to give me a ‘welcome back home’ hug. Most of all, I felt You. I felt You at 3am. I felt You again, the Lover of my soul.

Just yesterday, while working in the kitchen, worry crossed my path. My future was secure. Oh, I couldn’t be more sure about it. God had a plan. I was working in it. Yet I felt burdened. Burdened that I may end up with trouble beyond what I could handle. Trouble that I will eventually end up with someone I will manage with for a long long time. Trouble that may come with ‘I do’. You reminded me that I need not worry. Then, I had peace.

Just yesterday, I read an article. It blessed my heart. She wrote a lot of words and for the first time in a long time, it went right past my head into my heart. She said she waited 12 years for him. I’ve just waited 4 or is it 5, and I’m worried sick already. I understand that i was a worrier by nature. But worry ain’t me no more! I have His divine nature. Silly me! She wrote, and as I read each sentence, word after word, I felt whole again. I felt receptive again. Someone said, love is more than words, feelings or actions. He said, love is a spirit and some carry it. I couldn’t agree more. She must have communicated it to my heart. Bless God for her!

Well, in all, I wrote this thank you note for a whole lot of seeming minute blessings to some. For bringing me back home. For bringing me back to familiar grounds. For reassuring my heart over and over again. For not giving up on me. For a bed to lay on. For emotions which makes relationships meaningful. For friends that cry with me in my thunderstorms. For family that exude Your love. For Your kind heart. For your children that you use to bless lives. I’m glad beyond words.

Thanks!

Now the world knows that…

The lady with the smiley.
🙂
Follow me now @kwinbeey

Yea and Amen!

Staring into the clear night filled with a vast array of stars, I couldn’t help but admire God’s handiwork again. Amongst many others, the dark starry sky clearly reveals God’s magnificence and awesomeness in all of creation. The stars laid beautifully over the dark sky giving it diverse patterns. The stars seemed delighted to be kept up there. They seemed delighted to shine and illuminate the dark sky giving anyone one who bothered to look up some pleasant rush of emotion! I mean, they were just blinking away! That feeling that God must have had when He took a look at His works and saw that they were good swept over me. I felt good just gazing at them. It gave me something to think about. As i stared some more, I remember reading how God took Abraham out into a similarly dark and starry night and promised him descendants as numerous as the stars.

It was that same night Abraham believed God and it was credited to him as righteousness. It must have stood as a memorial for him each time he looked into the dark sky. Interestingly, not only did it stand as a memorial for him, but also did serve as a memorial for me. It left a quiet reassurance deep down in my heart. I looked into the sky and i was reminded that, not only does God gives promises, he also fulfills promises. He did it for Abraham. He’ll fulfil His promises in your life too. We and every other Christian in the world are God’s promises fulfilled to Abraham and He left us with not only stories of Abraham’s walk with Him but also with the stars in the sky.

Just as the stars give meaning to the dark and plain sky, so does God give meaning to every life that dares to approach Him, trust and believe on His name. He gives beauty for ashes. Your life may not seem any thing close to beautiful right now but be rest assured that He will like shiny stars, twinkle and brighten up your life. He is set to do things that will blow your mind.

He hath made every thing beautiful in his time . . . Ecc 3:11a, KJV

This includes your life. He will beautify your life. It is His promise to you. There is no panic and doubt in this one for “for all the promises of God in him (Jesus) are yea, and in him Amen, unto the glory of God by us.” Can I get an Amen? Hallelujah!

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord , and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn; To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord , that he might be glorified. Isaiah 61:1-3, KJV

Shalom!

Image credits: believe.com, kcm.org

Hephzibah

Slowly she let go
Slowly she realised great worth in all of this
Life couldn’t possibly treat her badly
He threw punches, blow after blow
But she resolves to keep silent
Like a sheep to the slaughter
Like her master, she held her peace
She knew she’d be better
She knew she’d make it through each day
She knew there was One for her
Better than everyone else that had left
Right now, she couldn’t be bothered
She could care less, free from all the pain
“It is not about them”, He constantly reminded
“It’s about You and I”, He continually reassured
“Just You and I Dear”, He tenderly whispered
A smile kindled around her lips
Her cheeks flushed
Soothing relief, He handed her
She had made it through yet another topsy-turvy day
One more day had been ticked off the list
She could boast, Her head held High
Because she had a Lover
A unique Lover
The true description of love
One that loved still the more
Even with all her misdeeds and flaws
One that has loved her more than any other
One who has loved her like no other
One so Precious! One so Priceless!
There was nothing more to be
Than to be called ‘Hephzibah’
No more was she forsaken
No more was her Life desolate
She has found what millions unending searched for
The lover of her soul was finally home
Home inside her heart

Image credit: Google images.

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#DearFutureHusbands

Our future Hubbies,

Yes! We have come again! We write not to overwhelm you with words, but just to express our fears, our hopes, our expectations and the things that bug our minds and hearts. Please do not fear when we mention expectations. They are not burdensome, we promise. Let’s start by saying that we love you, we long to support you and we are working towards being helpers that will fit you like your perfect shoe size. We in no way, look forward to meeting Mr perfect and we definitely don’t expect you to register in a gym class to obtain six-pack abs and some huge muscles just to woo and win us or be good enough for us (although that will be very good). *teeth out* We don’t eagerly await some hummer-riding, sweet-talking, dollar-spraying TDH dude to ride along in order for us to be swept off our feet although if you happen to come along with some other requirements on check, we just might consider, might being the keyword! We however ain’t out for all those. We crave that you understand what it means to be fathers and better still husbands. We crave for husbands that long and walk towards being like Jesus. We crave for husbands that do not view our femininity as stupidity. We crave for husbands that are filled with the Holy Ghost because we understand that the anointing flows from the top. Sounds different from the normal right? Yeah. We long for not just the normal but for the super-normal. We are not just cut out for the normal and we know it. We crave for husbands that are ‘worded’ and full of the anointing. Going on in life, we have been discouraged because of what we have seen. However, we chose not to give up on you. After all, Love doesn’t give up easily right? Definitely! We have seen the so called ‘Christian men’ batter their wives emotionally and even worse physically. We have seen husbands that treat their wives as doormats all because a man is the head of the woman and wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. We long for husbands that understand our nature, are sensitive to our needs and do not trample on our feelings. We long for men that will cleave to us and not see us as some separate entity after 30 years of marriage. We long for husbands that do not abuse their power as our head. We long for husbands that will be one with us in spirit and soul. By the way, we plan to be Akara providers so that our Children can at least, boast of Bread and Akara as food. We long to submit to your authority as the head and fuel your ‘ego’. We intend to make you feel like the head of the home. We long to place you on top, which is where you belong. We never ever desire to contest your headship. We just hope that in the process of doing all these, you do not see it as an opportunity to treat us like second-class citizens and take us for granted. We hope and we trust that you will be fathers that will love, cherish your girls and be their first love (well after Jesus though). Are we asking for too much? We hope not! We are learning how to be virtuous, so that you are praised at the ‘city gate’ for having us as wives. We are praying for you night and day. We hope these things do not seem far-reaching. We understand that Fatherhood and ‘Husbandhood’ is hard work so we thought to write that you may know and begin to prepare ahead of time. Who are we to tell you your duties anyway? We pray that in all, God will teach you and endow you with wisdom to run our homes. We also can’t wait for you, our unwrapped parcels to arrive but till then, we shall write you more and more letters and hopefully, some love letters too 🙂
Love,
Your future wives.

SHALOM!

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Blue skies

When I first read this, a beautiful and soothing feeling washed over me. Yeah! You guessed right. I didn’t write this but a dear, anointed, blessed, friend and woman of God did. I love love it! There really is beauty in simplicity. I hope it ministers to you that God wants to warm your heart with love and so much more. Please enjoy!

Dark skies, no moon
Windy mornings, rainy days
Crashing skies, stormy weather
Let Me bring you warmth like leather

You smile at me, my world is shining
I look at You, my heart is racing
No more cold, no more rain
All I feel is our hearts aligning

Let My love bring warmth to your soul
Let My presence bring light to your eyes
Through this cold and lonely night
Let My love be your blue sky

The rain is gone, the sun is here
The skies are blue, spring is here
Through the stormy wind and weather
Let My love be your blue sky

As written by Samuella Olaleye

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Recovery Begins…

Alright. Here I am again after my very controversial ‘contemporary lamentations’ that left a lot of questions on many minds . Some voiced out, some stuffed up in the depth of their hearts. I was supposed to be a source of strength to people knowing fully well that God had placed me in that position and there I was depressing people up and down. I’m sure some people think I’m a psycho or one very sad miserable individual. LOL. Maybe, maybe not! But here’s what I know. I’m not superwoman. I admit I’m weak so that God can be strong on my behalf. I admit I have flaws and I hope you can see them so that Jesus can perfect me. I admit I need Him more than ever and I’m glad I do. I’m just a broken vessel that needs constant re-moulding. At least I get a hand to hold all through my journey in life and boy! not just an ordinary hand but a mighty, upholding, strong, yet tender and loving Hand. That knowledge is all you need and the perfect understanding of His grace. Its very important for you to view God from the angle of grace and you’ll understand why you should hold on even in the darkest hours and never let go and trust Him with your life.

Here’s a song my heart sings to the Lord tonight because He healed me once again…

I was lost when you found me here
You drew me close and held me near
I’m a fool but to Your love
I’ll be a fool for the King of Love
You gave me wings so I could fly
And gave me a song to colour the sky
All I have is all from You
All I want is all of You

Your grace, Your grace
I’m nothing without You
Your grace shines on me
Shines on me, shines on me
Your grace shines on me
Its Your grace!

I’m alright. I’m ok. His grace has made me whole. He touched me and made me whole!!! I’ll still be here to encourage you with the Word and to minister peace and life from His throne to your spirit.

I pray for as many as read this that You touch Lord and You give them grace.
I pray for as many as I bring to You, that they never go back into sin and worries.
I pray You hold and secure them in Your firm embrace in Jesus name. Amen!

For all those that called me and checked on me. I appreciate you. God bless you and I love love you!

Song of the Lady

Hey guys, 😀

I promised last week that before the week ended, I was going to post something calm, soothing and refreshing but due to some issues, I couldn’t. Anyway, here it is.
This is a piece that just expresses the love a believer has for His saviour. Oh! Hold up…I was just expressing how I felt towards the Lover of my soul. I must confess, I was inspired by Song of Solomon so here’s my own little ‘Song of Solomon’ or should I say ‘Song of the Lady’? I stole a few lines from King solomon’s poem. I hope he doesn’t sue me for copyright though. LOL! Please enjoy!

My lover, How exciting it is to be in love with You. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. It’s new every morning. It is rekindled every hour. It burns like wild fire in me. It is beautiful. Your love to me is sweeter than honey. Yes! It is sweeter than Eclairs, butterscotch, milkose and all the chocolate in the world rolled into one.

I am my beloved’s and He is mine.

When I think of all you’ve done for me, how You think of me, showering Your blessings and love upon me when I least deserve it, how You encourage me and lift me up when I’m down, how each day You come through for me, how You pick me up, spin me around and give me a big hug, how You constantly remind me that I am good enough for You and I do not have to do anything to earn Your love, I cannot help but cry on Your shoulders. I can’t help but strive to be perfect for You and to never hurt You. I can’t help but tell You how much I love You and long to love You even more. I’ll die loving You, I promise.

I am my Lover’s and He is mine.

You did the unthinkable for me. You proved Your love by dying for me. Something no man could do for me. How can I not Lord but love you more? You give me a million and one reasons to hold on to You and I must confess, I love holding on. Your love is life to me. It is life to my soul. Even the days when I think little of myself, you think highly of me. You think so highly of me that You’ve placed me among the princes and the nobles of the earth. O how amazing! I love You a whole lot and I can’t imagine my days without You. I wonder how I managed to live those days when I hadn’t met you.

I am my love’s and my love is mine.

Each and every day, when I journey out, you never fail to go with me, caring and supporting me every inch of the way. Even when I have those bad days, and everything seems to go down hill, you never fail to whisper ‘Dear, calm down. I’ve got your back on this one’. When life seems to frighten all of me, You remind me that You are here and You’ll never let me fall. O, how soothing! How reassuring! How warm and pleasant is Your love for me. The most amazing part is that I had to do nothing to earn it. Could love be more perfect than this? I doubt that. Each time I’m filled with thoughts of You, I sing in my spirit. I sing ‘how sweet the name of Jesus sounds in a believer’s ear. It soothes his sorrows, heals his wounds and drives away his fears.’ Your love is more than life to me. O, how pleasant! You are so soothing to me. You are my breathe of fresh air. You are my lover and I love You.

I am my Love’s and my Love is mine.

So today, I’m letting the world know how much You mean to me. How much I cherish every moment we share. How much love I have for You. How I love You dearly. You are my peace, my rock, my joy, my reason to live one more day. . . In simple english, You are my all. A million ‘I love you’ will not suffice in expressing how much I’m in love with You. Like oil upon Your feet. Like wine for You to drink. Like water from my heart, I will not let one day go by without pouring all my love on You. I love You and I will never stop loving You.

I belong to my lover and I desire Him.

My soul thirsts for You. My flesh longs for You. My spirit searches for You. Who has seen my Love? Who knows where I can find Him? O daughters of Zion! I search for my Lover!! I search for my Friend!!! I search back and forth eternity just to catch a glimpse of Your face. Just to tell You face to face that I love You. Just to behold That face, Those hands, Those feet, That body that so willingly went to the cross to make me His. What can I do for You? How can I express my love for You? Words are not enough. In fact, nothing seems to be enough. I hope to see You some day, hug You, kiss Your head, clean Your feet with my tears and hair and just bask in Your love. I hope to sit on sunny beaches with You, play with the waves with You by my side and just literally enjoy You. O, how I long to see You and be with You. I’ll wait but until then, I’ll just keep pouring my love on You and I will enjoy You with arms open wide in reckless abandon.

No one has greater love than this, that someone would lay down his life for his friends -John 15:13

Jesus is my lover! Jesus is my friend!!